One thing I have learned after years of marriage is this. It is not enough to have your own goals. You need to know each other’s goals, and then turn them into “our” goals.
A lot of couples operate like two people running parallel races. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is a lot harder. You are guessing what the other person wants, hoping it lines up, and trying not to collide in the process.
I see this constantly with founders, operators, and executives. You spend all day setting crystal clear targets with your team. You build out strategic plans for the quarter. You know exactly what your business partners are focused on every single week. But then you go home and operate completely in the dark.
You assume you know what your spouse wants. You assume your visions for the future are still perfectly aligned because you talked about it three years ago. But assumptions are a terrible foundation for a marriage.
When you run parallel races, you are essentially competing for the same limited resources. Time, energy, and money. If you do not have shared goals, every extra hour you spend on your business feels like an hour stolen from the family. Every weekend spent on a side project creates silent friction. That is how resentment builds. You start stepping on each other’s toes simply because you do not know where the other person is trying to step.
Things get a lot better when you sit down and actually talk through what each of you is working toward.
Get Everything on the Table
You have to get specific. Vague ambitions do not move the needle at work, and they do not move the needle at home. When you sit down, break it out into clear buckets.
Career stuff. Where are you actually trying to go professionally? Are you grinding for a massive exit? Are you trying to scale your company to eight figures? Do you want to step back, delegate more, and work fewer hours? Put it out there so your partner knows what the finish line looks like.
Personal stuff. What lights you up outside of work? Maybe you want to read a book a week. Maybe you want to start a philanthropic project like Give Ventures. Maybe you just need two hours of absolute silence on Saturday mornings to decompress and recharge.
Health stuff. Physical and mental health require serious time and energy. If one of you is committing to a strict fitness regimen or cutting out alcohol for peak performance, the other person needs to know. That impacts your grocery shopping, your evening routines, and your weekend plans.
Stop Keeping Separate Checklists
Once everything is on the table, a massive shift happens. You stop being two people with separate checklists and start being a team that is pulling in the same direction.
Ashley’s goals become my goals. My goals become her goals. We own the outcomes together.
This is the secret to moving faster. When you operate as a unit, you stop keeping score. You stop getting frustrated when your spouse needs extra time to focus on a big project, because that project is now your project too. You are deeply invested in their success.
If I have a relentless week ahead for Laundry Sauce, Ashley knows about it. She knows exactly what the targets are and why it matters. If she has a major priority she is tackling, I know exactly what it takes to support her. We cover each other’s blind spots. There is zero guessing.
Support Does Not Mean Sameness
There is a massive misconception about shared goals. It does not mean you want the exact same things. That is a total myth. It means you actively support the things the other person wants.
You can have completely different day-to-day objectives. That is the point. You bring different strengths and passions to the relationship. The specific targets can be wildly different. The support is what needs to match.
When both people are doing that, the whole relationship feels lighter. The friction drops to zero. You are no longer fighting for scraps of time or feeling guilty about prioritizing a goal. You have mutual permission to go out and crush it, because you built the master plan together.
Build the System
You cannot just have this conversation once a year on New Year’s Eve and expect it to stick. You have to integrate it into your daily routine.
At work, I use frameworks like the Top 5 Things to stay focused and ruthless about my priorities. You need a similar level of intentionality at home. Make it a regular conversation. We talk about our goals during our weekly date nights. We check in. We course correct. We ask each other what we need to hit our targets for the upcoming week.
We do quarterly personal reviews and annual planning. We look at our financial targets, our personal growth, and how we are spending our time. If a goal is pulling us away from our core mission of serving others and being present with our family, we kill it.
If you are with someone, do not keep your goals in your head. That is a massive disservice to your partner. They cannot support a vision they cannot see. Share them. Ask about theirs. Write them down. Make a plan together.
Running a business is hard. Raising a family is harder. Doing both at an elite level is impossible if you are not aligned.
It is a lot more fun to grow when you are not doing it alone. Get everything on the table today.